Only the English could have invented this language ???
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
And if people from Poland are called Poles
Then people from Holland should be Holes
And the Germans, Germs.
Showing posts with label JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JOKES. Show all posts
Monday, June 14, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
JOKES
PSYCHIATRIC TREATMENT
AJAIB Singh: "I understand that you have been going to a psychiatrist. Do you think it has helped?"
Suljaya Singh: "It certainly has. Only a few weeks ago, when the phone rang, i was afraid to answer it. Now I go right ahead and answer it whether it rings or not."
LOST HAT
A man who had lost his hat decided that the simplest way to replace it was to go to church and steal one from the cloakroom. Once inside,he heard a sermon on the Ten Commandments. Coming out, he was greeted by the minister and said to him,"I want you to know, Reverend, that you saved me from crime. I came here with sin in my heart. I was going to steal a hat, but after hearing your sermon I changed my mind."
"Great," exulted the minister. "Would you tell me what I said that led you to change your mind?"
"Well, Reverend, when you got to that part about "Though shalt not commit adultery", I suddenly remembered where I had left my hat."
PUT ON TRIAL
A writer famous for the economy of his words was expecting his tailor4 and his lawyer, but had to leave before their arrival. When the author returned, he saw that they had left a note: Suit is ready, trial tomorrow.
REDLINE JOKE
A tiger escaped from the Delhi zoo and started running along Mathura Road. The zoo staff and police ran after him to capture him. As soon as the tiger reached the Mathura Road bus stop, he saw a Redline bus approaching at a high speed. On seeing it the tiger turned round and ran back towards his own cage and hid inside for fear of another monster!
DAILY FAREWEL KISS
A young couple moved recently into the neighbourhood. Every morning, the Mukharjees watched the young woman kiss her husband goodbye as he left for the day.
One day, looking enviously across the fence, Mrs.Mukharjee asked her husband: 'Don't you ever feel like doing that?"
Her husband replied hesitatingly: 'Uh! I sure do, but I don't know how the young man will react."
THE GOOD BOOKS
The good books barely escapes compitition.
Question: "What books, apart from the Bible, have helped you most?"
Answer: " My mother's cookbook and my father's cheque book."
MOTHER-IN-LAW'S PRAYER
"GOD!Give me a Daughter-in-law who is hard working, respectful and one who will look after me in my old age, so that I d0o not have to face hardships of the kind my Mother-in-law had to face"
AN OLD BISHOP
An old Bishap in the nation's capital was sick of social and embassy parties. He was expected to attend every other afternoon. At one of them he entered wearily, glanced sourly at the over-familiar cast of characters and sank into the nearest chair.
The hostess coyly said,"A spot of tea, Bishop?"
"No tea," growled the Bishop.
"Coffee, Bishop?"
"No coffee"
An understanding woman,she whispered in his ear, " Scotch aqnd water, Bishop?"
Said the Bishop, brightening, " No water!"
AJAIB Singh: "I understand that you have been going to a psychiatrist. Do you think it has helped?"
Suljaya Singh: "It certainly has. Only a few weeks ago, when the phone rang, i was afraid to answer it. Now I go right ahead and answer it whether it rings or not."
LOST HAT
A man who had lost his hat decided that the simplest way to replace it was to go to church and steal one from the cloakroom. Once inside,he heard a sermon on the Ten Commandments. Coming out, he was greeted by the minister and said to him,"I want you to know, Reverend, that you saved me from crime. I came here with sin in my heart. I was going to steal a hat, but after hearing your sermon I changed my mind."
"Great," exulted the minister. "Would you tell me what I said that led you to change your mind?"
"Well, Reverend, when you got to that part about "Though shalt not commit adultery", I suddenly remembered where I had left my hat."
PUT ON TRIAL
A writer famous for the economy of his words was expecting his tailor4 and his lawyer, but had to leave before their arrival. When the author returned, he saw that they had left a note: Suit is ready, trial tomorrow.
REDLINE JOKE
A tiger escaped from the Delhi zoo and started running along Mathura Road. The zoo staff and police ran after him to capture him. As soon as the tiger reached the Mathura Road bus stop, he saw a Redline bus approaching at a high speed. On seeing it the tiger turned round and ran back towards his own cage and hid inside for fear of another monster!
DAILY FAREWEL KISS
A young couple moved recently into the neighbourhood. Every morning, the Mukharjees watched the young woman kiss her husband goodbye as he left for the day.
One day, looking enviously across the fence, Mrs.Mukharjee asked her husband: 'Don't you ever feel like doing that?"
Her husband replied hesitatingly: 'Uh! I sure do, but I don't know how the young man will react."
THE GOOD BOOKS
The good books barely escapes compitition.
Question: "What books, apart from the Bible, have helped you most?"
Answer: " My mother's cookbook and my father's cheque book."
MOTHER-IN-LAW'S PRAYER
"GOD!Give me a Daughter-in-law who is hard working, respectful and one who will look after me in my old age, so that I d0o not have to face hardships of the kind my Mother-in-law had to face"
AN OLD BISHOP
An old Bishap in the nation's capital was sick of social and embassy parties. He was expected to attend every other afternoon. At one of them he entered wearily, glanced sourly at the over-familiar cast of characters and sank into the nearest chair.
The hostess coyly said,"A spot of tea, Bishop?"
"No tea," growled the Bishop.
"Coffee, Bishop?"
"No coffee"
An understanding woman,she whispered in his ear, " Scotch aqnd water, Bishop?"
Said the Bishop, brightening, " No water!"
Monday, April 12, 2010
JOKES
MULLA NASRUDDIN
One afternoon Mulla Nasruddin's wife heard a loud thud on the staircase.
"What was that?" she asked.
"Oh, the dress fell down", said Mulla casually.
"How did it make such a noise?" asked the wife.
"Because I was in it' replied Mulla.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
REAL PROBLEM
After the funeral of the richest man in the village, the priest walked over to a youngman looking sad and asked,
"Are you related to the dead man?"
"No, sir,that is the problem."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A DOCTOR'S ADVICE
A doctor diagnosed a patient's rundown condition as too much worry over money matters.
"Relax', he ordered, "just two weeks ago, I had another man here in a state of fear and anxiety because he was unable to pay his tailor's bills.
I told him to forget about them and now he feels great."
"I know", said the patient looking dejected, "I am his tailor."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECRETARY'S SALARY
Boss to new Secretary: "Your salary is confidential. You should not discuss it with any of your colleagues."
'Oh!I won't mention it to anyone", she said,
"I am as ashamed of it as you are."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DON'T YOU KNOW WHEN TO STOP?
Crossing the street one morning, a man was nearly run down by a car driven by a woman and literally overflowing with about a dozen children. Since the red light had been against the woman driver,
the man shouted "Lady, don't you know when to stop?"
Glancing back at the children, she answered icily.
- "Theyaren't all mine."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AN INSURANCE AGENT
An insurance agent was boasting to a client:
"Our firm is one of the fastest payers in the world. we're on the twelfth storey.
Last week, a window cleaner, who was insured by us, fell from the twenty-fifth floor.
As he passed our window, we handed him his cheque!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A FOOL CAN ASK MORE QUESTIONS...
Professor: " A fool can ask more questions than what a wiseman can answer."
Student: "No wonder, somany of us flunk in our exams."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
POOR OR RICH
"When I look at this congregation", the minister told the audience,
I ask myself , "Where are the poor?"
But, then, when I look at the collection plate,
I say to myself, "Where are the rich?"
One afternoon Mulla Nasruddin's wife heard a loud thud on the staircase.
"What was that?" she asked.
"Oh, the dress fell down", said Mulla casually.
"How did it make such a noise?" asked the wife.
"Because I was in it' replied Mulla.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
REAL PROBLEM
After the funeral of the richest man in the village, the priest walked over to a youngman looking sad and asked,
"Are you related to the dead man?"
"No, sir,that is the problem."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A DOCTOR'S ADVICE
A doctor diagnosed a patient's rundown condition as too much worry over money matters.
"Relax', he ordered, "just two weeks ago, I had another man here in a state of fear and anxiety because he was unable to pay his tailor's bills.
I told him to forget about them and now he feels great."
"I know", said the patient looking dejected, "I am his tailor."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECRETARY'S SALARY
Boss to new Secretary: "Your salary is confidential. You should not discuss it with any of your colleagues."
'Oh!I won't mention it to anyone", she said,
"I am as ashamed of it as you are."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DON'T YOU KNOW WHEN TO STOP?
Crossing the street one morning, a man was nearly run down by a car driven by a woman and literally overflowing with about a dozen children. Since the red light had been against the woman driver,
the man shouted "Lady, don't you know when to stop?"
Glancing back at the children, she answered icily.
- "Theyaren't all mine."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AN INSURANCE AGENT
An insurance agent was boasting to a client:
"Our firm is one of the fastest payers in the world. we're on the twelfth storey.
Last week, a window cleaner, who was insured by us, fell from the twenty-fifth floor.
As he passed our window, we handed him his cheque!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A FOOL CAN ASK MORE QUESTIONS...
Professor: " A fool can ask more questions than what a wiseman can answer."
Student: "No wonder, somany of us flunk in our exams."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
POOR OR RICH
"When I look at this congregation", the minister told the audience,
I ask myself , "Where are the poor?"
But, then, when I look at the collection plate,
I say to myself, "Where are the rich?"
Saturday, April 10, 2010
JOKES
CHEQUE.
In the class the teacher wrote on the blackboard: "Write down a sentence using the word 'Cheque' in it"
One of the students wrote: "My uncle gave me a very sweet Cheque yesterday"
Seeing bthe sentence quite senseless and funny,the teacher asked the student to read aloud the sentence and the student promptly read:
"My uncle gave me a very sweet Chiku yesterday."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
DAILY BREAD.
Teacher: In our daily prayer, why do we say,"Lord, give us this day our daily bread? Why don't we pray, for bread for a week atleast so that we need not have to pray for bread everyday?"
Johnny: We pray for daily bread in order to get it fresh!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
LAST SCENE
Director: In the last scene of this film,you have to jump from the 13th floor.
Actor: But in case I die?
Director: It doesn't matter, it's the last scene in the film!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
WATCH.
James: Does your watch tell the correct time?
John: No, I have to look at it!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
FIRST THING TO DO.
Teacher: What is the first thing a king or queen, who comes to the throne should do?
Ramu: I suppose he or she should sit on it!
------------------------------------------------------------------
NUTS
Boy-friend:I have brought you some sweets because you are sweetest thing in this world.
Girl-friend: Thanks, I have brought you some thing too, Nuts!
------------------------------------------------------------------
BAD IN GRAMMER
Prabha: "The accuracy of a computer is beyond our imagination"
Radha: "Yes mom! But computers are very bad in grammer"
Prabha: "Why?"
Radha: "Because every time I shut it down, my computer gives the message: Windows 'IS' shutting down!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
SENTENCED TO DEATH.
King: You are sentenced to death. But I allow you to choose the kind of death you prefer.
Prisoner: I choose to die of old age!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
LETTER WRITING.
Rekha:"Madam, didn't you ask me to write a letter to my friend in the English Exams Paper?"
Teacher: "Yes, what is the problem?"
Rekha: "It has been a month, but my friend has still not received the letter!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
JUDGE & THE THIEF.
Judge: "Don't you feel ashamed that you come here again and again?"
Thief: "Then you are the one who should be more ashamed."
Judge: "How so?"
Thiesf: "Your honour, I come here twice a month, but you come here every day!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
GO TO HELL
The deceased grocery man knocked at the gates of hell and asked entrance.
"Why do you come here?" demanded Satan.
"I want to collect some old accounts from a couple of my former customers who died before me."
"How do you know they are here?"
"Well, every time I tried to collect, this is the place they recommended me to."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOSS OF MEMORY
"I saw the doctor today about my loss of memory."
"What did he do?"
"Made me pay him in advance."
In the class the teacher wrote on the blackboard: "Write down a sentence using the word 'Cheque' in it"
One of the students wrote: "My uncle gave me a very sweet Cheque yesterday"
Seeing bthe sentence quite senseless and funny,the teacher asked the student to read aloud the sentence and the student promptly read:
"My uncle gave me a very sweet Chiku yesterday."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
DAILY BREAD.
Teacher: In our daily prayer, why do we say,"Lord, give us this day our daily bread? Why don't we pray, for bread for a week atleast so that we need not have to pray for bread everyday?"
Johnny: We pray for daily bread in order to get it fresh!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
LAST SCENE
Director: In the last scene of this film,you have to jump from the 13th floor.
Actor: But in case I die?
Director: It doesn't matter, it's the last scene in the film!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
WATCH.
James: Does your watch tell the correct time?
John: No, I have to look at it!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
FIRST THING TO DO.
Teacher: What is the first thing a king or queen, who comes to the throne should do?
Ramu: I suppose he or she should sit on it!
------------------------------------------------------------------
NUTS
Boy-friend:I have brought you some sweets because you are sweetest thing in this world.
Girl-friend: Thanks, I have brought you some thing too, Nuts!
------------------------------------------------------------------
BAD IN GRAMMER
Prabha: "The accuracy of a computer is beyond our imagination"
Radha: "Yes mom! But computers are very bad in grammer"
Prabha: "Why?"
Radha: "Because every time I shut it down, my computer gives the message: Windows 'IS' shutting down!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
SENTENCED TO DEATH.
King: You are sentenced to death. But I allow you to choose the kind of death you prefer.
Prisoner: I choose to die of old age!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
LETTER WRITING.
Rekha:"Madam, didn't you ask me to write a letter to my friend in the English Exams Paper?"
Teacher: "Yes, what is the problem?"
Rekha: "It has been a month, but my friend has still not received the letter!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
JUDGE & THE THIEF.
Judge: "Don't you feel ashamed that you come here again and again?"
Thief: "Then you are the one who should be more ashamed."
Judge: "How so?"
Thiesf: "Your honour, I come here twice a month, but you come here every day!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
GO TO HELL
The deceased grocery man knocked at the gates of hell and asked entrance.
"Why do you come here?" demanded Satan.
"I want to collect some old accounts from a couple of my former customers who died before me."
"How do you know they are here?"
"Well, every time I tried to collect, this is the place they recommended me to."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOSS OF MEMORY
"I saw the doctor today about my loss of memory."
"What did he do?"
"Made me pay him in advance."
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
CONSULTANT
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch,
and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA weather satellite, uploads the exact location data using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out
a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep."
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"
The young man answers, "Yes, why not?"
The shepherd says, "You are a consultant."
"How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business... Now can I have my dog back?"
and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA weather satellite, uploads the exact location data using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out
a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep."
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"
The young man answers, "Yes, why not?"
The shepherd says, "You are a consultant."
"How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business... Now can I have my dog back?"
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
LESS & LESS 21st Century
Are we becoming less by the day ?
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relationship - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Boss - Brainless
Our Salary - Very less
Our emails - useless!!!
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relationship - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Boss - Brainless
Our Salary - Very less
Our emails - useless!!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
JOKES
Interviewer:
what is your birth date?
Sharma: 13th October
Which year?
Sharma: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
Manager asked Sharma at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 20 letters in it?
Sharma replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
After returning back from a foreign trip, Sharma asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sharma: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sharma:
Any great man born in this village???
Sharma: no sir, only small Babies!!!
Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sharma writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
When Sharma was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver
adjusted the mirror. Sharma shouted, "You are trying to see my
wife? Sit behind. I will drive.
Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sharma: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!
Sharma: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sharma: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
Sharma: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sharma: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sharma: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sharma: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sharma: Bcoz it is Black & White
Sharma attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sharma: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
Sharma in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sharma: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDDHA?"
Sharma: "All are born on government holidays...! !!
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sharma: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
what is your birth date?
Sharma: 13th October
Which year?
Sharma: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
Manager asked Sharma at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 20 letters in it?
Sharma replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
After returning back from a foreign trip, Sharma asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sharma: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sharma:
Any great man born in this village???
Sharma: no sir, only small Babies!!!
Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sharma writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
When Sharma was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver
adjusted the mirror. Sharma shouted, "You are trying to see my
wife? Sit behind. I will drive.
Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sharma: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!
Sharma: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sharma: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
Sharma: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sharma: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sharma: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sharma: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sharma: Bcoz it is Black & White
Sharma attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sharma: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
Sharma in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sharma: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDDHA?"
Sharma: "All are born on government holidays...! !!
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sharma: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
Saturday, March 20, 2010
This explains why we forward jokes
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead
for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stonewall along one side of
the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was
broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch
that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate
looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he
got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and
continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to
a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never
been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the man.
"Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned
hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was
standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said
that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the Gold Street and pearly gates?
Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."
Soooo...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.
Maybe this will explain.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how,
you forward jokes.
Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for guess what you get?
A forwarded joke.
So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.
You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead
for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stonewall along one side of
the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was
broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch
that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate
looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he
got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and
continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to
a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never
been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the man.
"Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned
hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was
standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said
that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the Gold Street and pearly gates?
Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."
Soooo...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.
Maybe this will explain.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how,
you forward jokes.
Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for guess what you get?
A forwarded joke.
So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.
You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime
Monday, February 8, 2010
JOKE
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers.
'Hello.' 'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor James at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last
week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly,
either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which
is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests once and once only.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home,
don't sleep with him.'
'Hello.' 'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor James at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last
week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly,
either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which
is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests once and once only.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home,
don't sleep with him.'
Friday, October 9, 2009
JOKES
“Say, why do they call our language the mother-tongue?”
“Because the father so seldom gets a chance to use it.”
------------------------------------------------------------
“What’s the best exercise for reducing?”
“Just move the head slowly from right to left when asked to have a second helping.
-------------------------------------------------------------
“Your dog howled all night.”
“That’s a sign of death. Whose, I wonder?”
“Your dog’s, if he howls again tonight.
“Because the father so seldom gets a chance to use it.”
------------------------------------------------------------
“What’s the best exercise for reducing?”
“Just move the head slowly from right to left when asked to have a second helping.
-------------------------------------------------------------
“Your dog howled all night.”
“That’s a sign of death. Whose, I wonder?”
“Your dog’s, if he howls again tonight.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
The Unconcerned Widow
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
Friday, September 11, 2009
The Vet Bill
A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion.The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650.""$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis.
The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
The Vet Bill
A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion.The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650.""$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis.
The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis.
The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
Thursday, September 10, 2009
A mother was having a hard time
A Mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to schoolin the morning."Nobody in school likes me," he complained."The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, thesuperintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me,the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians haveit in for me. I just don't want to go to school.""But, John, you have to go to school," said his mother sternly."You're healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something tooffer others, you are a leader.
And besides, you're 40 years old and YOU ARE THE PRINCIPAL."
And besides, you're 40 years old and YOU ARE THE PRINCIPAL."
11 PEOPLE .......ON A ROPE
Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave,Because otherwise they were all going to fall.They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping . . . . . . .SEND THIS MAIL TO AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN, SOTHAT SHE HAS SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT TODAY
AND TO MEN WHO CAN TAKE A JOKE AND HAVE A GOOD LAUGH
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave,Because otherwise they were all going to fall.They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping . . . . . . .SEND THIS MAIL TO AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN, SOTHAT SHE HAS SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT TODAY
AND TO MEN WHO CAN TAKE A JOKE AND HAVE A GOOD LAUGH
Blonde Paints a Porch
A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
"How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
"How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Saturday, September 5, 2009
7 Laughs for The Day.
#1 After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at thekitchen table, eating his afternoon snack, when he blurted out,"Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."The boy's mother replied, "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are theonly child?"
She just said, "Thank goodness!"
#2 All you really need to know about Government and Bureaucracy:
** Pythagorean theorem: ............................. 24 words.
** Lord's prayer: ................................... 66 words.
** Archimedes' Principle: ........................... 67 words.
** 10 Commandments: ................................. 179 words.
** Gettysburg address: .............................. 286 words.
** Declaration of Independence: ................... 1,300 words.
US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.
#3 FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in SanDiego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud.After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite.The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizzaparlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
Agent: I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 3 cases of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around tothe back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents there?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: We've collected a pool of cash.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: Yes.
Pizza Man: With guns?
Agent: That's right.
Now, can you remember to bring the pizzasand sodas to the service entrance in the rear?
We have thefront doors locked.
Pizza Man: You must be crazy!
*Click*
#4 This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chain saw shop and asks about various chain saws.The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chain saw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."So, the man takes the chain saw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chain saw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?" the man asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," the man tells himself.So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.The man is convinced this is a bad saw. "The dealer told me itwould cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem.I will take this saw back to the dealer," the man says to himself.The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man's claim,removes the chain saw from the case. The dealer says, "Hmm, it looks fine."Then the dealer starts the chain saw, to which the man responds,"What's that noise?
#5 Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket."How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says,"Ticket, please."The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.The conductor takes it and moves on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being cleverwith money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all."How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant."Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.The train departs.Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom andwalks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
# 6On break from college, this guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings a friend with him.While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts chomping away at the bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother,
"I'm sorry that I ate all of your peanuts Granny.
"Granny replies,
"That's Ok, I'm glad you enjoyed them sonny...since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em!"
#7***NOT LAUGHING CAN HURT YOU***
A man tried to keep from laughing when a woman released a"gasser" during a eulogy at a funeral. He held his breath which caused him to pass out...fall off his chair...and bang his head on the floor. Ambulance attendants interrupted the solemn ceremony as they rushed in to whisk the man to the hospital.
She just said, "Thank goodness!"
#2 All you really need to know about Government and Bureaucracy:
** Pythagorean theorem: ............................. 24 words.
** Lord's prayer: ................................... 66 words.
** Archimedes' Principle: ........................... 67 words.
** 10 Commandments: ................................. 179 words.
** Gettysburg address: .............................. 286 words.
** Declaration of Independence: ................... 1,300 words.
US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.
#3 FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in SanDiego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud.After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite.The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizzaparlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
Agent: I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 3 cases of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around tothe back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents there?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: We've collected a pool of cash.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: Yes.
Pizza Man: With guns?
Agent: That's right.
Now, can you remember to bring the pizzasand sodas to the service entrance in the rear?
We have thefront doors locked.
Pizza Man: You must be crazy!
*Click*
#4 This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chain saw shop and asks about various chain saws.The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chain saw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."So, the man takes the chain saw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chain saw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?" the man asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," the man tells himself.So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.The man is convinced this is a bad saw. "The dealer told me itwould cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem.I will take this saw back to the dealer," the man says to himself.The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man's claim,removes the chain saw from the case. The dealer says, "Hmm, it looks fine."Then the dealer starts the chain saw, to which the man responds,"What's that noise?
#5 Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket."How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says,"Ticket, please."The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.The conductor takes it and moves on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being cleverwith money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all."How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant."Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.The train departs.Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom andwalks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
# 6On break from college, this guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings a friend with him.While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts chomping away at the bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother,
"I'm sorry that I ate all of your peanuts Granny.
"Granny replies,
"That's Ok, I'm glad you enjoyed them sonny...since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em!"
#7***NOT LAUGHING CAN HURT YOU***
A man tried to keep from laughing when a woman released a"gasser" during a eulogy at a funeral. He held his breath which caused him to pass out...fall off his chair...and bang his head on the floor. Ambulance attendants interrupted the solemn ceremony as they rushed in to whisk the man to the hospital.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Insulting Parrot
A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said,
"Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"
The lady was angry, but she continued on her way.On the way home,
she passed by the pet store again, and again, the parrot said,
"Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"
Furious, the lady stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store.
The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot.
"Hey, lady!" it said.
"Yes?"
"You know...."
"Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"
The lady was angry, but she continued on her way.On the way home,
she passed by the pet store again, and again, the parrot said,
"Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"
Furious, the lady stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store.
The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot.
"Hey, lady!" it said.
"Yes?"
"You know...."
Friday, July 24, 2009
PENGUIN DELIVERY
A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.The zoo worker yells, "I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?""Calm down," the bus driver says, "I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies."
Sunday, July 19, 2009
High Speed Chase
After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over.
"You know," says the cop,
"I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out.
Why the hell did you take off like that?"
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop,"
the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"You know," says the cop,
"I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out.
Why the hell did you take off like that?"
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop,"
the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
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